| I'm just about to do something exceptionally silly... however having a couple of champagne's.... I feel comfortable about the whole thang.
Myself and Greg's relationship is on rocky road.... This lead me to having sex with the ex a couple of weeks ago. Tonight I am having sex with the ex ex.... See the thing is... i find it hard to separate sex from emotional intiamcy... Alot of gay guys seem to see sex as physical... I don't... So instread of me picking up some random stranger and fucking them all night... I go back and have sex with the ex's... Silly boy!
Tonight is ex ex sex... Thus night is ex sex.
Maybe next week when i get my confidence level up... I'll have sex with a complete stranger.... mmm sounds nice... scary but nice
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| I have been sleeping so much lately. I have no energy. I'm feeling like shit.
I was doing alot of thinking last night... and have decided to take charge of my life again. For too long now i have been in the dark.
Monday is the start of a new week. A new chapter. A new era... No longer will I lie like a dog dead.
Back to the gym. Back to being healthy... Back to doing what I want to do.
As of thursday. I am back on track with money. I have 3 days a week off now. Back to seeing Greg 2 to 3 days. None of this every day shit.
I'm grabbing the bull by the balls!!!! I'm going to have fun.... I'm going to be young again! |
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| I was watching a movie last night "Big Eden". It was so beautiful.... It was a tear jerker.... I even sobbed.... Don't know whether it was because i was tired... High on red wine... Or whether it hit close to home.... but i was certainly emotional!!!
There is a part in the movie when a character comes out with this statement... which hit me right in the heart. "If you get lost in the woods... Then stay where you are... They will find you." I balled!!!!!!
For years i have been running... Searching for something.... and if I don't find it somewhere.... Then i get up and run again.... searching.... looking... What am I looking for? I find it so hard to feel comfortable and satisfied... My work... My relationships... Where I live....
I have been feeling very down the past couple of days. I keep on questioning things. I'm ready for the next step... but that step is just not there yet.... Where do I go?
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| I'm tired today. I was up at 5am. Started work at 6 and finished after a drooling 10hrs. I think my birhtday week is catching up with me.
I'm feeling a bit flat today... Just pigged out on a block of chocolate and a large packet of crisps! Just cracked open a bottle of red.
Early bed tonight me thinks... |
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| It's my birthday today. I don't feel any different.... I am not excited.... I have not organised a party... I have done nothing. It just seems like another day really.
So I am 27... 3 years away from the big 30. I still feel like a 21 yr old.... I still act like one.
Oh well... Happy fucking birthday. |
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